When Will I be Whole?

When I consider what the most dramatic change in human behaviour has been in my life-time I’m drawn to consider the idea that the inclusion of psychotherapeutic and spiritual practise based language in our day to day communication signals a pretty gigantic shift; a growing recognition that contentment and fulfilment come from within, rather than being solely dependent on external circumstances. (See my previous post on Defining Success for even more chat on this!)

I remember a time not so long ago, pre-yoga and pre-therapy (about ten years) that if I reflect honestly upon I realise I had no idea how deeply shut off I was from my internal experience. I don’t remember ever being taught about the value of validating emotion, or dismantling belief systems, or really challenging my own perspectives in any form. I don’t remember having self-reflection modelled to me, and any kind of personal development I was encouraged to explore was largely positioned as some form of achieving and accumulating.

I wonder if this is one of the reasons Yoga became so alluring to me; suddenly someone said ‘hey, there’s a pretty incredible world inside you that you might want to get to know’ and thanks to sheer curiosity here I am, full time yoga teacher (life-long student of course) and pretty much obsessed with the inner-most workings of the human experience. This interest only compounded itself when, about four years ago, I went to my first therapy session and I wasn’t simply observing and understanding this inner experience but I was actively participating in deconstructing the deepest understanding I had of myself.

However, the work that we do is hard and seemingly unending, which can be a little disheartening if you’re approaching it from the perspective of ‘fixing’ yourself. Has that thought ever crossed your mind? You wouldn’t be the only one.

I remember on rainy day sat in a session I asked my therapist, “When will I be whole?” I was not met with the answer I wanted, but as the age old saying goes, I was given the answer I needed.

You see, the reality of the work that so many of us are undertaking, to know ourselves & to heal the wounds we carry, is that in whatever form it takes, the work rarely ends.

I’m the first person to admit that initially this sentiment filled me with despair. However, I have since learned a few insights that makes this journey a little less “oh my god it’ll never end” and more “oooo, I’m excited to see where this takes me” and I want to share these with you.

Firstly I want to remind with you that, as humans, we are wells of untapped and unending potential. A self-discovery practise in any form allows us to continually explore and unlock new layers and levels to our capabilities which is a) pretty exciting I think and b) kind of vital when we consider that life is dynamic and change is absolutely inevitable.

It this inevitable change that makes it so important to continually check in with ourselves, to develop our wisdom, expand our perspectives and acquire new skills that foster resilience in the face of the twists and turns this wonderful (if sometimes challenging) journey takes us through.

And, this is the crux of why I starting writing this article, how do we embark upon this life long journey knowing that despite the work we have to do, we have always been and will always be whole? How do we find a sense of grounding, acceptance, love & joy for the person we are right now, knowing that there is still so much to uncover?

How do we see ourselves as whole and stay on the route toward wholeness?

My intuition tells me that creating a sense of wholeness within ourselves, even while acknowledging the work required for personal growth, is an essential aspect of self-discovery. So if you, like me, sometimes get a little disgruntled by the never-ending journey you’ve placed yourself upon here are a few helpful tips I use to re-inspire my work.

Self-Compassion - Treat yourself with kindness and understanding throughout the process of self-discovery. Growth takes time and effort, and it's okay to make mistakes or encounter setbacks. Embracing a mindset of self-compassion, allowing yourself to learn and grow at your own pace, without harsh self-judgment, is vital to creating an inner landscape of acceptance for all that you once were and everything that you’re becoming.

Celebrate Your Progress - Acknowledge and celebrate the progress you make along the way, no matter how small it may seem. Personal growth is a series of incremental steps, and each step forward brings you closer to the person you are blossoming into. Take time to reflect on your achievements, no matter how minor you initially think them to be, and truly acknowledge the effort you've invested in your journey.

Cultivate Self-Acceptance - Embrace the idea that self-improvement/self-discovery is not about striving for perfection or becoming anyone that you aren’t already. It's about becoming the truest version of yourself. Embrace your strengths, acknowledge your limitations, and honour your unique qualities. Accepting and loving yourself as you are in the present moment is vital in creating a sense of wholeness.

No matter how long we have wandered the path of self-discovery, there are still more steps to take, there will always be areas to more deeply understand, grow or develop. However, by cultivating self-compassion, celebrating our progress along the way (which I don’t think we do nearly enough of by the way) and cultivating self-acceptance for the person we are today we can lean into a sense of wholeness, and be excited for the person we’ll be tomorrow.

You always have been, and always will be, whole.