How do we make Silence Safe?
Sitting across from my other half at lunch this weekend we looked over to see an elderly couple with each other. Both were staring out of the window. Neither were saying a thing.
“There’s beauty,” Josh said, “in silent company”.
I reflected for a moment; how often do we seek silence? What is it about silence that, for many, is a space that needs to be filled? And how do we find our way to accepting and even enjoying silence?
It’s not too far out of the realms of possibility for any of us to spend a whole day without experiencing silence. Perhaps it’s the sound of the radio in the morning, the gentle whirr of your electric toothbrush, the brash bubbling of the kettle, the music or podcast we choose to accompany us throughout our workout, yoga practise or commute. Throughout the day it’s the conversations we have with others, the conversations we have with ourselves, the murmur of life around us, the chattering of the TV and then, sleep.
I will always be transparent with you. I struggle with silence a lot. And even now as I write this post I know that I’m not admitting to myself how often I truly fill the void. It makes me wonder why we seek so much stimulation? Is it to fill the space we find we are unable to approach? To distract ourselves from emotions and thoughts we are not able to process?
Do we avoid silence to keep us from the work?
When silence becomes unfamiliar we learn to become uncomfortable with it - we begin to see it not as an opportunity to open the door to the internal palace but instead as though we have closed a door, trapping ourselves, our fears, our anxieties and our worst critic in the same room together. *that’s not a room I’d choose to be in either*
Here’s the beautiful thing - if the fear of silence is learned then it can also be unlearned *yippie*
Find a behaviour in which you habitually listen to something. Take that thing away. See how you find it. Perhaps you always listen to music when you practise Yoga? Try practising in silence.
If this feels too big too soon then take yourself on a walk in a space that is reasonably busy. The sound of life around you will lessen the intensity of not having something to direct your attention towards.
Spend some time walking, or simply sitting, in nature. Allow your attention to rest in the moments of silence between the birds calling and the leave rustling.
Sit for a while and embrace the practise of daydreaming, let your imagination run wild without any need to analyse or record what your magical mind comes up with.
Sit for a while and recruit the King (/Queen) of mindfulness - your breath. A few moments of deep, conscious breathing will focus your attention in a way that allows moments of silence to emerge.
As with all things start off small and build upon whatever you create. You may find that over time silence is no longer so scary for you. Perhaps even you can begin to sit in silence with company and enjoy simply existing, simply sharing a moment of living, together.
In a study published in the journal Science, researchers at the University of Virginia found that participants preferred to give themselves electric shocks than sit alone doing nothing in a bare laboratory room for 15 minutes, without access to external distractions.