Can We Ever Be Immune to Comparison?
The other day I ended up in a hole.
The comparison hole.
It’s dark and dingy and sad and once you’re in it can be really hard to find a way out.
If you know of the hole I speak, this is for you.
Comparing ourselves to others is a very natural, very human thing to do. Psychologists in the 50s determined that we do this comparing in order to self-evaluate; they (a guy called Festinger to be exact) theorised that humans are constantly looking for benchmarks against which to measure our own value and find our place in the world.
Now, comparison can sometimes be a really helpful thing; if we compare ourselves to someone who inspires us we might be motivated to further our knowledge or skill in some way in order to match up.
Sometimes, and these are the times relevant to this discussion, it’s not so helpful. Comparison can often lead to low self-esteem, envy, low confidence levels. Should it linger a little too long, this type of comparison might lead us down the path of depression and anxiety and even trigger us to separate from our path (purpose/dharma/boundless nature).
But how does this relate to Yoga? Well…
Yoga philosophy (Vedanta Philosophy) denotes that what prevents us from knowing our path, our highest, truest self, are maya. “Ma” meaning ‘Not’, and “Ya” meaning ‘That’ it literally translates as ‘Not That’ but is best described as illusions / perceived realities.
Here’s an example: Imagine you have three yogis waiting to go into class; one quite experienced, one just getting the hang of it, another completely new. The experienced yogi loves downward facing dog; their internal narrative is a positive one. The yogi just starting out hates downward facing dog; their internal narrative is quite negative. The complete beginner has no idea what downward facing dog is; their narrative is neutral. Vedanta Philosophy would argue that the experienced yogi and the yogi starting out are under the effect of Maya; the appearance of downward facing dog has morphed into something it’s not.
These kind of illusions are said to keep us separate from our own divinity, limits our sense of who we are and (this is the bit I think most relevant here) keeps hidden from us what we’re capable of because we are attributing meaning & creating realities around completely neutral stimulus.
In order to overcome Maya a choice must be made; first to acknowledge that illusion exists, then to meditate on these illusions to shut them out. I believe a similar approach is ideal for comparison; in order to overcome comparison we choose to recognise that we are augmenting our own reality, and then put in place practises to release our perceptions…
Become the Witness - Recognise when these thoughts/stories are coming about and resist the urge to get embroiled in conversation with them; just watch them come and go.
Make a list of Your Limiting Beliefs - Ask yourself “Do I know this to be true?” the answer will likely be ‘NO!’ so Let it Go!
Practise Choosing - Whether it’s noticing the trigger and focusing on your strengths, celebrating the people you compare yourself to, or practising gratitude for what you already do through an acknowledgement practise we must CHOOSE to overcome these thoughts.
Uncover the Stories - is what you’re feeling reminding you of another time in your life? Are you living out other people’s projections, or your own memories instead of being present the truth of reality? (You might want a coach or a therapist to help you with this one!)
So can we ever be immune to comparison?
As a constant state, I personally don’t think so. I think it’s more likely that we simply become more adept at recognising when the stories (illusions) are skewing our reality, and better at choosing to do the work to overcome them.
I also think that this is the way I would prefer it; to be analysing our thoughts, words, behaviour and to be inspired to do the work gives us a life-long project; to know ourselves.
If you find yourself negatively affected by comparison try not to get sucked into it all, instead perhaps can you see it as an opportunity to practise self-discovery.
Love, always
Katie xx